One night a voice woke me up telling me in a very friendly manner:
‘You will be greeted on the other side the same way like many before you…’
‘On the other side? – beyond…?’ I felt a bit puzzled: ‘ ‘Was I supposed to die?’
Well, already for some time I felt drawn away from here. I had accomplished all, that I needed, had done all the hard work, all the karma refering my family was resolved. I had guided both of my parents to the ‘Bridge of Flowers’, after they had died, yes, I even had backed out of my ancestreal lineage. Towards my children I had disengaged from the role of being a mother, as I wanted to be free and also in order to set them free into their sovereignty. I had worked a lot over the last 4 years to get out all the old energies in my house. At last all the old wallpapers and the old parquet has been removed and replaced by new ones and a wonderful parquet, that even had been produced in India. Also I endowed my whole ambience with beautiful details.
In the years before I had attached a huge, light space, a conservatory to my house, all the windows and doors were renewed.
Now everything was free, radiating beauty and harmonious elegance.
Not to forget to mention: my new car, a cabriolet, yes, it was (and is) important to me, that the car roof was open, open to the sky…!
Even my art-work, my painting, that I loved and still love doing the most, in this moment would not hold me back to endure any longer…
However, I asked myself, what was it, that was driving me to wanting to leave the planet?
And there was still another thing:
Kuthumi had asked me two or three years ago, if I would like to write a book with him. ‘Oh, yes’, my answer had been. Many times I then would be writing with Kuthumi, exercising and many filing folders have been filled since then.
However I found myself being blocked, when it came to start the writing of a book.
‘Will I be capable to do this?’ I would ask myself and also ‘How can I overcome those blockages and master them?’
One day, when I was sitting writing with Kuthumi, he would guide me on a beautiful path in a forest.
When suddenly a throng of radiant angels appeared before us on the path. They were dressed in white, yellow and golden garments and moved joyfully towards us. I gathered all my courage to ask the question: ‘What do you want?’ They answered: ‘We want to take you home.’
What! I frightened then again. Home? Is that again an hint, that it was time for me to leave?
The days following everything seemed to be very transparent to me and I felt, as if I just could easily take a walk out of my body.
A few days later at night I had a dream. I was together with some Shaumbras- friends out and about and we were standing scattered on a bridge.
I went to the handrail of the bridge and climbed upon it.
In viewing the chasm, I in the same time, looked inside and checked in my system.
Yes, I wouldn‘t find any real reason to stay longer, I noted and – I was ready to jump. I climbed fully over the railing and let myself fall. When I arrived down there, Adamus Saint Germain greeted me: ‘WELCOME!’
Oh, there I woke up really frightened and found myself in my body, lying in my bed, still alive…! fortunately!
The next days I considered this topic a lot and I questioned myself, what was the deeper meaning of all this.
One afternoon I had a feeling of having a talk with someone.
It happened to be a phonecall with an acquaintance, that is clairvoyant, works with cards and she is a very clear character.
I told her about my dreams and also about my writing-blockage.
To my big surprise she ‘saw’ and shared with me about two persons in my life, that were very close to me and both – with a very similar energy and intention – had caused this blockage.
Both of them wanted to keep me small, didn’t want me to become great, awesome, to blossom.
‘Aha,’ I thought, ‘there it was!’
To recognize one of these two persons was easy and instantly. To realize the other one by the description of my acquaintance really surprized me. Sometimes people show up as victims, suffering, accusing, guilt-tripping – in reality though they are very controlling and dominant.
The attitude and behavior of both of them – it may have been just small statements, sentences, they had uttered towards me – had settled as shadows in my whole body-system, in all the cells. And they hadn’t yet disappeard during all my endeavours to let go of the old energies.
And – this I may say: that aspect had had control over me throughout my life, until shortly. I had developed quite a genius in ‚playing small‘ and applying it diligently. Always vigilant about hiding my grandness, my truth, my beauty, my talents. Because it would have been life-threatening. I also had taken on the responsibility for the(ego-)wellbeing of these two persons. They felt fine, when I kept myself small and thus would consider themselves safe about their grandure and potency.
And I applied these techniques towards almost any person that I met.
How did I suffer! Even towards myself I accomplished to deny my talents, to not value them and to wear myself out with self-doubts.
‚I had to stay invisible!‘
And this had been the reason for wanting to leave. How would I be able to live a fulfilling life in my mastery, when leaving ‚me‘ out? Even though I had prepared everything for my SOUL to come in, my ambience, all was radiating beautifully, I couldn‘t really appreciate, accept and enjoy it.
Yes, and during our talk it happened: I listened very closely, when I heared myself say to this lady on the phone-line:
‚I would regret on the other side, if I wouldn‘t have written this book with Kuthumi and gifted it to the world.‘
‚Did you hearken, what you just said?‘ she would ask me.
Yes, I had… and how well it sounded!
And I decided:
‚I‘ll stay and write…‘
In this exact moment I felt all the shadows leave my system and I felt such a huge energy rise up from within and an undescribable joy.
Thousands of ideas rang up, what all I would be able to create in this freedom!
I danced and danced!
Yes, and now I could do something, that I had promised to my knee many years ago.
Back then – about eight years ago, I had an operation on my knee and hadn‘t been able to walk painlessly since then, well, sometimes during all these years I had even to walk on crutches.
I asked Adamus and Kuthumi at two different public events:
‚Will I be able to walk again, will the cells in my knee heal?‘
And both of them would answer literally with the same question: ‚Do you want to stay or leave?‘
That was quite surprising. But it‘s logical: why should the cells in my knee heal, if I wouldn‘t want to live in my body?
Since two to three years my knee is healthy again..
But never would it appear to me to deliver on my promise, that I had given to my knee.
Until a few days after the release of this shadow-aspect.
Suddenly it occured to me:
now the moment in time had come, to gift my right calf with a tendril of flower–tattoo!
Without any further delay I arranged an appointment in a Tattoo-Saloon in my city. Meanwhile I wouldn‘t neglect my left leg and would let tattoo there a little heart right above the ankle.
I asked Kuthumi: ‚Ok, you see, what I intend to do. Please help me to design the Tattoo.‘
And he came in and we sketched a wonderful flower-arrangement with an Indian touch to it. It is a bit remeniscent of the flower-mosaics in the Taj Mahal. Also there are woven in many other little messages.
Did the stitching hurt? Oh, yes, somehow… but are birth pangs not painful as well?
And yes, here I had given new birth to myself.
And I would now step into the world with my right leg, blossoming and… with my heart,
my male and my female counterparts activated!
Since then a lot has changed: Soon I started to write my first book with Kuthumi, that will be pubished soon in German and English language. I found the motivation to strike through with an self- invented diet by which I lost 24 pounds and I now feel in my body a beautiful warm presence, tender and more lively, than ever before.
What a wonder I allowed to occure and graced myself with!
And all the way Kuthumi and the other Friends from the Angelic Realms showed up
as such great and wonderful teachers!
After all that has happened, I‘m now so curious, what will unfold in my life.
Finally free to express myself together with my SOUL, nomore the aspects, that stood in my way…
I believe, it will be such fun!